I remember in what seems a lifetime ago, a beloved yoga instructor teaching the lesson that before we can ever get to a heartfelt, genuine “YES” in our life, we must first learn to say “NO” with the conviction and strength of a young child. Only once we truly embrace the power of No will we find our way to Yes.
I am a long way from Yes, so it’s time to practice No.
Unfortunately, I am struggling to find the joy in this jerry-rigged, hand-made life of late. The glimpses of awe-inspiring beauty and joy are currently overwhelmed by frustration, a mother’s guilt and too much busyness.
I have a dozen posts sitting in my drafts but they all amount to not much more than grumblings of cautionary tales . . . I want to write about the truth of the beautiful, terrible struggle these early years of our dream have been, but I don’t have the heart or the strength or the time to both live them AND write about them.
I know the things I have grappled with this past year and a half will be of great use to many of you who are planning to follow the same journey and I desperately want to share them, but I simply can’t right now. There are too many tasks, too many little lives depending on me and so it’s time to say goodbye for now.
It’s time to retreat to the real world, work through the farm’s challenges with fleshy people, hold hands, nurture the community we are gratefully building here. Eventually there will be less re-inventing the wheel and I will have enough time between these early days and the present for reflection and gratitude. For now I am up to my elbows in it and I need to just BE in it. I will regret it if I don’t.
So here I go. So long. Farewell.
Good growing, Stacey