new year, new goals

Well, that’s it. I’m officially in my early 30’s. Gah.

I enjoyed a rare date-night with my hubby, spent the morning chasing chickens and the better part of the afternoon under a quilt in the lazy-boy cuddling a sick, very cranky baby. He wandered around the house all morning rubbing his offending nose muttering Darn Cold, Darnit.

This past year and a bit has brought big changes; a baby, a new home, a farm . . . new businesses, new challenges, new joys.

Birthdays for me aren’t so much about partying for days on end anymore (my 25th birthday celebration lasted a solid week and included a Tragically Hip concert and more than a few late nights). Marriage and babies have a way of slowing that down . . . These days birthdays are a moment to pause and reflect and look forward to the coming year.

Here I am, 31 years old, looking over the land I intend to grow old with.

There is something so settling in that, so anchoring.

I have craved so badly to sink my toes into a particular patch of earth, watch them disappear the way they do in the sand as the tide comes in; gentle, quiet, unhurried. Now that I am here . . . aaah. All of the craziness and stress that lead up to it seems such a small price, already fuzzy around the edges of memory.

This reflection brought to mind the mantra I spoke to myself during the troubled time before I finally left my job:

I am calm. I am capable. I am courageous.

This is what I wish for my life. To know those three things from the deepest part of my belly, the place where my breath comes from, to know it with every piece of my being.

I could say – this year I’ll finally lose the baby weight. Or, this year I’ll get all the painting done, tackle the first pruning of the apple trees and re-roof the barn. This year I will learn to milk a goat. This year I will not buy bread at the store.

But really, plans and goals change. Weather, children, family, the world outside my door will constantly throw me curve balls. Rather than be surprised, I should just acknowledge that that is the truth of things. Life is complicated and messy. Things rarely go according to plan.

It’s probably better that way.

So instead of a list of resolutions I will surely break, plans that I will likely have to change, I will simply wish this birthday wish:

I am calm. I am capable. I am courageous.

I will believe it.

10 thoughts on “new year, new goals

  1. growing grace farm

    Happy birthday and wishing you a year filled with joy! Yet another post I will refer to and keep tucked in my heart to draw good thoughts from on days I’m not feeling so calm, capable or courageous. If you’ve already figured out that “plans and goals change,” then, my dear, the 40s will be so easy for you! (when you get there, that is)

    Reply
  2. grammomsblog

    Happy Birthday to You! I’m glad you figured out to just ‘go with the flow’! You will be at peace…… well as much as you can with babies, chickens, and a farm! lol

    Reply
  3. df

    I think getting to where you clearly are at 31 is pretty cool. Calm, capable and courageous are amazing goals, and I dare say the right ones to have in this world. There will still be lots of curve balls (oh baby, especially as your baby grows up!), but you’ll be mostly ready for them. Happy birthday!

    Reply
  4. Deb Weyrich-Cody

    Ah, this is wonderful! Do you mind if I adopt your mantra? It seems so absolutely perfect…
    Hoping your sweet babe is feeling better really soon – and wishing you a Happy Birthday whenever (and however; ) you celebrate!!

    Reply
  5. michelle

    Recently stumbled upon your blog. I’ve become pretty selective in my blog reading lately (someone really needs to create a “digest” blog reader– I have Google Reader & it’s just too much sometimes!), but yours is one I’ll come back to read. Your attitude is amazing & I love your honesty about life & its challenges. Thank you.

    Reply

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