Well, I’ve officially been a mum for nearly 3 months now. What a bizarre and beautiful experience.
Seems hard to believe that only a year ago I was a full-time public servant, spending my days in heels and pinstripes in my cubicle on Robson. I can’t find a shadow of that person in the mirror anymore.
Motherhood has changed me.
That seems like a flippant statement, but its true. I don’t recognize myself anymore. It goes without saying my body has changed (wider and droopier and much more often covered in poop and spit-up) . . . But then there is the rest of me . . .
My husband catches me every once in a while – locking eyes with this strange woman who has taken over my skin, invasion-of-the-body-snatchers style. He knows what I’m thinking, always.
You’re a mum now. That is so much better and more important than anything or anyone you’ve ever been before.
I know, I know.
But you have to ask yourself, what does that mean? Who IS this woman??
As terrifying as it is finding this stranger in the mirror, as frustrating as it is, as much as it means surrender to the maternity clothes for a few more months yet . . . It’s liberating.
I feel like a 5 year old deciding what I want to be when I grow up. And just like the 5 year old me, I actually feel like it could be anything. I can put on a cape to do my laundry and really feel like a Super Mom! I can do or be any darn thing I want.
One (perhaps the only) benefit of surviving THREE DAYS of labour is a renewed sense of confidence that I if I survived that, I can survive anything. I can be brave. I can look at my old, less-happy life and set it adrift.
Gazing on this perfect little boy in quiet moments I always marvel at the thought – I made this. Without even knowing what I was doing. And here he is. His own little person apart from myself.
Maybe my life can be like that too. I don’t always have to know what I’m doing. I just have to be.
